Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Farm Kid in the Marines

I recently got this email and thought the story was amusing.

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake .. I only beat him once... He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Friday, December 4, 2009

Signs of the apocalypse

I don't like Robert Gibbs. To put it mildly, I think he's a tool. But I first saw this story on Yahoo this afternoon, then decided to follow it over to Townhall (since the embedded video at Yahoo originated from TH) to see what else they posted about it.

Here's the thing: I have to side with Gibbs on this more than I do the reporter. Judging from the comments at TH, I'm apparently the only Conservative who takes this stance. But while Gibbs' comparing the reporter to his child is completely out of line, it's not like he was dealing with a real peach of a lady. She's rude, she was asking questions that are fit more for TMZ than any relevant political organization, and she cops a serious attitude.

Here's a tidbit for you: I strongly considered going into journalism until I took my first reporting class. I decided against it when I saw how many people in that world are like this chick. So while I don't think Gates handled this just real well, I wouldn't blame him for blowing her off...or basically anything he did up until the son comparison or following it.

Friday, November 20, 2009

We the People

I apologize for slacking lately, but here's something I absolutely wanted to share. It's the new song from musical legend and comedic Ray Stevens.

I'd like to post the lyrics, but it really needs to be heard. However, one of my favorite parts is "to put it mildy, we're harboring feelings of extreme alienation, due to copious amounts of horse maneur that have been shoveled out of the White House and the capitol building, and we sense that we are being royally defecated upon, yeah we're getting the impression that you think we are not relevant to these proceedings and dismissing our input into the situation."

I hope you enjoy it. Also, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. I'm taking next week off, so there's a reason behind the upcoming lack of posts. I'll spend my vacation deer hunting.

That's right, libs. I know guns are evil and meat is murder. So just consider me an a-hole with an appetite.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Happy Anniversary

As people commemorate the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, two names that seem to be getting little mention are those of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. I guess there's nothing like a time for rememberance where everybody remembers things incorrectly.

So since he's not getting his due attention elsewhere, I wanted to do my small part by paying tribute to Ronald Reagan. While we have a few people left who are defending freedom, I hope that sometime another leader comes along who shares Reagan's desire and ability to promote freedom.

Friday, November 6, 2009

This kid rocks!

Maybe you've seen this, but I got an e-mail with a story and pictures I thought was worth posting.

There is a huge rock near a gravel pit on Hwy.25 in rural Iowa . For generations, kids have painted slogans, names, and obscenities on this rock, changing its character many times. A few months back, the rock received its latest paint job, and since then it has been left completely undisturbed.

It's quite an impressive sight. Be sure to scroll down and check out the multiple photos.(all angles) of the rock.

I thought the flag was draped over the rock, but it's not. It's actually painted on the rock too.

The Artist, Ray "Bubba" Sorensen.

Awesome work, Ray.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


This post has been inspired by a someone I know. This person does an op ed column in a (very) small newspaper. She and her husband blog about...themselves. She's on Twitter. And basically, she likes to indirectly tell the world she's a genius. In reality, she's a colossal jewel of glittering ignorance, but I bet you could guess I was thinking that...

Quick aside: What's the deal with young married couples doing shared blogs about their lives? Who gives a S%*&? What is the thought process going on there? "Hey, we got married, let's tell everyone about what our lives are like now because we're the first people in the history of the planet who've gone through this!"

My blog doesn't exist because I think people care about what I think. Let me be honest: I'm not exactly inundated by people asking my opinions on current events. I also don't consider myself an expert on most of the things I write about---I simply try to stay informed and educated about issues and then use common sense to determine where I stand. I'm also pretty sure that the world doesn't need another blog. In fact, I read earlier this week or last week that someone predicted that the web will run out of available addresses soon. I'm pretty sure I'm not helping the situation by taking up this space.

The point of this blog isn't because I think I have a talent to share with the world. I don't. In any discernible area of talent you could think of, I'm average at best. Trust me, that's not me running myself down or being self-effacing. If I was really good at any one thing, I would be off doing it and would have less time for this.

So why am I here? I'm here for an outlet. It's kind of fun and even a little therapeutic to get things off my chest and rant a little on the things I'm thinking about or that affect me. And I like to make fun of things that are looney or diffuse irritating situations by making fun of them, and I need an avenue for that. So here I am.

Twitter's pretty much the same thing. I got on for work initially, then I started following people I'm actually interested in. Then I started throwing out comments about politics or sports or whatever else for basically the same reasons as I do my blog (and decided I needed to cut off anything work related from it, because those worlds don't mix). Twitter's a little different in that I have a number of people I know personally that follow me, but my take on it is they do so at their own risk. I try not to be too opinionated on Facebook where I'm connected with tons of people. If anyone latches on to me at Twitter, they're getting the less filtered version of me.

You'll notice that on here I don't talk much, if at all, about my personal life. It's not that it's super-great and I don't want to brag, and it's also not because it's a meaningless existence and there's nothing to write about. It's just not that interesting and there are a few things I want to keep private. With Twitter, it's a little more personal, but not much. I might mention weekend plans or when I'm looking forward to sleeping, but that's about it. I don't describe what I'm having for breakfast and I don't post pictures of me pouring milk on my Post Toasties. No one gives a crap. I'm sure you put your own socks on in the morning and are comfortable assuming I do the same thing, so I'll spare you the play-by-play.

I make observations and (lame) jokes for my own satisfaction. A (very) few have latched on and listened (read?), and I'm really thankful a few people agree or enjoy it. But really, this is for my own amusement or blowing off steam.

And yes, I realize I just made a huge post railing against narcissism and self importance. Either I'm a hypocrite or it's amusingly ironic.

Get out the vote. I'm serious, GET OUT THE #@*&ING VOTE!

This is just mind blowing to me. I mean, I'm not surprised by it in the sense that I know voter fraud is rampant, and we've had the SEIU and the New Black Panthers pulling their crap lately, but geez.

I can't think of anything I'd love more than a quiet evening at home being interrupted by a campaign visit from a guy who's just out of the pokey for shooting a cop. Especially if I was a cop. I mean, how do you respond to that? Do you pull a Smiling Bob and just say, "Thanks, DNC!"?

Recession? What recession?

This story absolutely killed me. Okay, to be more accurate, the first paragraph killed me, but it's a real humdinger:

"WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama's economic recovery program saved 935 jobs at the Southwest Georgia Community Action Council, an impressive success story for the stimulus plan. Trouble is, only 508 people work there."

Two thoughts: First, it's pretty bad when the state-run AP's getting sarcastic.

Second, at least we now have an idea how they figure up "jobs saved." And here I thought they were just throwing out numbers.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Obama's Halloween

I think Crowder's just come up with the scariest characters since Quiznos'...whatever the heck those things were.

"You seem honest, so how about bite me!"

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Won't anyone step forth and uphold the right?!

Ever since (and even before) Republicans got their butts handed to them last October, conservatives were clamoring for leadership. It was frustrating to have a huge group of people who share most of the same ideals, but no national leadership for us. We had Palin, but it's hard to get excited by a VP nominee when their running mate is on a separate page ideologically. And now that Obama, Pelosi, Reid, et al are bringing this country down like the Titanic, people are still hungry for conservative leadership. A main reason's because the majority of Republican leadership couldn't find their ass with both hands and a flashlight---which is how you have fiascos like the NY-23 race---and part of the reason's because little of the media reports on things conservatives are actually doing.

Little by little, slowly but surely, we're starting to see some conservative Republicans step up. I think it's important to point out a few examples. An obvious one is Joe Wilson, if for no other reason than conservatives want someone who's unafraid to call a spade a spade, and Wilson did it. A lesson to other Republicans: if you'll speak up, you'll find you'll have a lot of people behind you. If you don't believe me, look at the donations this guy's receiving.

One from my state is Senator Jim Inhofe, who's leading the fight against the Crap and Tax bill. You also have Mike Rogers who has done a good job in speaking out against health care legislation:

Finally, a tip of the hat to Congressman Steve King for laying into NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for being a spineless wimp and giving into the PC crowd.

Good job, fellas.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tips for Halloween

I hope everyone has a happy Halloween this weekend. I've spent the last couple of days thinking back to my childhood and how fun it always was (and conversely, how much it sucks now because A. No candy when you're near 30 and don't have kids and 2. When did this turn into a "Who's the Biggest Slut" contest?) and I have distinct memories of things I enjoyed and things I didn't. So here are a list of ideas to make Halloween fun for the kids and yourselves. Feel free to add you own. I may amend the list as more come to me.

Tip #1: Avoid giving change to trick or treaters. In the past, say pre-1970, getting a quarter, nickels and dimes, or even pennies was cool. But you have to factor in inflation. By the time I was on the scene in the 80s, this was a bit of a letdown because if you were lucky, you'd get enough change to afford a piece of gum. I can't even imagine what a bummer pennies would be now. Which reminds me, at the rate we're printing money, we might as well start printing it on toilet paper because that's all it's going to be useful for.

Tip #2: Treat teenagers like children. One, free candy shouldn't stop at 6th grade. I'm a believer in free candy stops at the age you could be drafted. Two, most people wouldn't let their 6 year old girls dress like tramps. High school girls shouldn't be allowed to do it either. The modern female Halloween costume is at least 40% of the reason there are show like To Catch a Predator.

Tip #3: Don't give candy corn. Candy corn sucks.

Tip#4: If you want to scare the bejeezus out of small children, go as Nancy Pelosi. Consider it an update on classic witch's costume. If it helps, say you're going for irony: Halloween's for kids, and does anybody hate kids more than Nancy Pelosi? I think not.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Jumping off the Sports Guy's bandwagon

Until yesterday, I remained a fan of the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. If you're unfamiliar with him, he's a sports/pop culture writer for He has over 900,000 followers on Twitter, and I doubt that even comes close to indicating how big of a following he has.

I haven't enjoyed his work over the last couple of years nearly as much as I used to, but I still read practically everything he threw out there. I even followed him on Twitter, but yesterday he posted a couple of "tweets" that made me pull the plug. His first one linked to Limbaugh's Wall Street Journal article, but prefaced it by saying, "I hate Rush Limbaugh. Can't stand him. But his WSJ column was well done..."

Now, I can disagree with someone vehemently and remain a fan. That pretty much describes how I feel about Tom Hanks at this point, as a matter of fact. But the first "tweet" I noticed was the one that actually broke the camel's back:

"Why I hate Limbaugh: He's all about code words & subtle slants..."

Code words and subtle slants? I think that's a fancy way of saying, "I'm not intellectually honest enough to listen to him and look at the context of his comments in their entirety, I'd rather listen for subliminal messages that I want to be there." But he then "retweets" a message from another user that links to this article with the (in)approprate Rush quotes taken, of course, without context.

Simply stated, Bill Simmons should be near the back of the line in perpetuating garbage like this. First of all, ESPN lost all credibility on the Limbaugh/Rams story on day one with their "reporting." Second, if you want to play "quotes without context" you can easily paint Simmons as a racist. In fact, I was actually going to do a comparison by demonstrating how easily Simmons could be painted as a sexist, but I decided to go race to race because A) There's plenty of material for a direct comparison and 2) After spending about 10 minutes on the sexism idea, I think he may actually be sexist. At least he is by a liberal standards (oxymoron, I know). Take a look at these gems:

"Some (WNBA players) are uncomfortably tall and gawky, while others lack the requisite, um, softer qualities to captivate males between 18 and 35."

"If Sue was walking around at the ESPYs in a cocktail dress, I'm watching. If she's running a pick and roll with Lauren Jackson, I'm flicking channels."

"...every female in Vegas dresses like a hooker..."

"You want to ask, 'Wait, they stunk all season, how could that guy not have played more?' until you remember that his name makes him sound like a urologist and he looks like a cross between Fabio and one of those mutant women’s volleyball players in the Pac-10.”

Simmons also does a popular (and admittedly entertaining) mailbag column where he answers questions from readers. In one mailbag, a reader who had listened to a Simmons podcast where he talked about how college admissions requirements for females should be to simply send in a picture wrote in to tell about a class project where the student had to create his own university. The kid followed Simmons' advice and got a D and a lecture about sexism. Simmons' response? "...rarely if ever, has a reader e-mail made me this proud. The only way it would have been better is if you snapped at the teacher, 'Shouldn't we have gotten a double-D?'" In another mailbag, Simmons encouraged readers to attend a Chicago WNBA game and taunt the players with t-shirts that said things like, "Score three for feminism."

Now, if that's not enough to say that maybe Simmons shouldn't be criticizing people for not toeing the PC line---and that's a big part of the Limbaugh criticism---then here are some quotes from Simmons on race. These are all taken from a column he wrote about attending the NBA All Star Weekend in Las Vegas a few years ago. His column prompted a rebuttal from another ESPN columnist who alleged that all the criticisms of the event, including those made by Simmons, were on the basis of race. With that as a primer, here we go:

"After four nights of what will eventually be remembered as the Hip-Hop Woodstock..."

"So many gangbangers and troublemakers flooded the Strip..."

"So many wild stories floated around about shootings, robberies and everything else that we never knew what to believe..."

"I'm relieved that we finished the weekend without a single riot..."

"Again, this was a free-for-all: Walk around at your own risk."

"...since All-Star Weekend has previously proven itself as a destination spot for every gangbanger and troublemaker within a 750-mile radius..."

"Why would they want visitors saying stuff like 'I don't care how long this cab line is, there's no way I'm walking the Strip'..."

"Stern has become the most popular Jewish senior citizen on the planet."

"...rapper E-40 was shot to death on Friday night, leading to roughly 10,000 'Who the hell is E-40?' conversations between 99.9 percent of the white people in Las Vegas on Saturday night. Apparently E-40 is still alive and well. Huge relief. I don't know if we could have handled a loss like that during the Hip-Hop Woodstock."

"I just wish I had a witness who spoke English."

One of the reasons my admiration for the Sports Guy dwindled in the last couple of years is that he increasingly spent more time talking out of both sides of his mouth. For instance, he makes comments like the aforementioned examples about women, and then he'll continually write about how people are too uptight and don't have a sense of humor. Then he'll turn around and criticize someone else for making the same kind of comments. But if he hates Rush for making comments that he has to attach his own meaning to or that completely ignore the background in which the comments were made, then he must have a serious problem with self-loathing. Or at least he would, if liberals were bothered by hypocrisy.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Links: the NFL Sucks Edition

Before the links, one thing I want to point out from the Limbaugh/Rams episode. This tweet from CNN's Rick Sanchez, who passed along the "quotes" Limbaugh never said in his "work" on the story: "i've know rush. in person,i like him. his rhetoric,however is inexcusably divisive. he's right tho. we didn't confirm quote. our bad."

Yep, Sanchez is definitely a guy with the moral high ground. Did you know "Leave the Scene" Sanchez once mowed down a pedestrian while he was driving drunk? He left the scene, had more to drink, and then went back and talked to the cops.

For anybody who can run over a guy and leave him for dead and only worry about his reputation, "Our bad" is a hell of an apology. One of these days I'm going to start a series called, "When 'Douchebag' Isn't Enough," and I think I'll lead off with ol' Rick.

Moving along...We're going to give the Russians access to our nuclear weapons sites. Hey, Barry promised transparency, now we're getting it. Or the Russians are. But moral of the story, it's there. Of course, we won't get to take a peek at their sites, but no biggie. That's diplomacy, you have to trust that the other guy is good to his word. I mean, crap like this is unfounded.

Speaking of unfounded, I know people worry about a lack of options and restrictions in coverage in government healthcare, but that's just crazy. I mean, stuff like this is an exception, and not the rule, right?

Dude, when we have to look to people like Dianne Feinstein for common sense regarding the military, you know we're in deep $*^#. But when Democrats are stealing from troop funds to foot the bill for their own garbage, we're beyond deep $*^#.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Obama for Heisman!

Nissan has an official Heisman vote, and they're asking you to pick their candidate. Go now and vote Barack H. Obama, Pres., United States. Why settle for the Nobel Prize? Let the man win an award that means something.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday Observations/Happy Columbus Day

I hate when nature calls an hour or so before you have to get up in the morning. It's precisely what happened to me this morning. As I'm sitting there---and it hasn't dawned on me at this point that today's Columbus Day---I realize the stupidity of arguments the left puts out about different people. My thought pattern begins with Thomas Jefferson.

Jefferson was an undeniably great leader among the Founding Fathers, and was at least an above average president. Yet people seek to diminish his accomplishments by spouting off crap about Jefferson making it with some of his slaves. As I was pondering these things, I came to the following conclusions:

1) We know the left relies on revisionist history. Therefore, why do we take this as fact? Do we really have medical records---or any other kinds of records---that show Jefferson did this? We don't have a birth certificate for Obama, but we have paternity tests from the 1700's?

2) Columbus Day pisses me off. When I was in kindergarten and 1st and 2nd grade, I learned about the importance of his discovery---yes, other groups were here before he was, but no, they don't count because they didn't belong to a society that placed importance on discovery and recording said discoveries---and what it meant to the "world" and how it laid the foundations for everything that happened here. I didn't learn about the evil, genocodial, maniacal Columbus. This wasn't because they were protecting little kids from hard truth, it's because it was 1986 and we still had a few teachers around then who weren't completely out of their gourds. Moral of the story: I do not believe 90% of the garbage spoken as truth about Columbus, mainly because most of it's the former and little of it's the latter. So if I don't buy the premise about Columbus, why would I accept it on Jefferson?

3) If Jefferson did take part in such activities---and I'm not saying he didn't, I'm simply not taking it for granted that he did---why should that invalidate his other achievements? How does that work: Oh, guess what, the founders were actually flawed men, since they weren't perfect I guess that means they were failures, bet you feel stupid, huh? (If that sentence sucks to read, it's probably a good insight into how the mind of a liberal works). Since when did being imperfect mean that anything you ever accomplished was pointless? I mean, geez, it's the left: being a screw up in your personal life is a resume enhancer to them!

So as I'm seeing links on different sites today with titles like, "Columbus' Dark Side" emerging and some of the trends on Twitter (yes, I use it, let me know if you want to add me and we can swap handles), I'm wondering if it was a prophetic morning or just a coinkydink. But I found this article and it makes me feel that all of this has some greater point. And that scares me, because if all these thoughts are preparing me for something that's coming my way, I know whatever it is is going to suck.

Happy Columbus Day.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Nobel Prizes and other news

The Nobel Prize. While the proper reaction was, "Holy s*^#!" or "WTF?!", my actual response was laughter. I mean really, what can you do at this point? Here are my thoughts on the big prize:

1. It's too bad Copenhagen isn't in Norway.
2. They gave the prize to Al Gore for committing fraud. We shouldn't even be batting our eyes over this.
3. They gave one to Yassir Arafat. If they'll give a peace prize to the father of "modern" terrorism, they'll give it to anybody.
4. They gave one to Jimmy Carter, so there's already a precedent for awarding dumbassery.
5. People are complaining about the fact that they gave it to Bam without him accomplishing anything yet. The fact that he hasn't accomplished anything of merit in the first nine months means nothing. The final nominations were in February. He'd done even less in twelve days.

To summarize, the Nobel Prize is like the Grammys or Academy Awards: the legitimacy train left the depot a long time ago. If you want to talk about something that's a crock or a joke, it's Obama's, "I'm humbled, I don't deserve it" routine. That's the outrageous part.

In other news...

What? You mean the government take over didn't fix everything?! Get right the stink out! What's that you say? Unemployed people can't afford cars? Shazam!

Hey, you wanna know something else that's funny? You know those people who are really loyal to certain brands? In your case, those are largely the common, everday, working class people in "flyover country." You've completely alienated them because those people don't go for this kind of crap! Good luck on improving sales!

We're trying to get these people in here to hand them free benefits and healthcare, and you're trying to uphold laws?! Knock it off!

Hey, here's a shocker: ACORN was full of crap and embezzled more money than previously claimed. Speaking of embezzlement and fraud, it's gotten more expensive in the past year to cut enough carbon to stop global warming. I mean, if it was me, I'd check the temperature, recognize that IT'S NOT FREAKING RISING, and call the whole thing off, but that's me.

America's starting to remind me of the Griswold's house on Christmas Vacation. Everything was beautiful and well kept for the longest time, then the riff raff and a-holes move in and take over. Pretty soon, the joint's such a dump that folks can't wait to get out of there. And lemme tell you something, there are a few spots on the globe that are looking better all the time.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

An observation

Harry Reid lecturing on patriotism is like David Letterman lecturing on celibacy.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Why did I not know about this?!

I'm 29 years old, and I've only just now heard the story about Jimmy Carter being attacked by a swamp rabbit.

In a related story, I now have a laughter induced hernia.

Wait for it, wait for it...


What a complete and abject failure! This is awesome!

Aw, come on, don't hate me for laughing. Buck up there, kids, it's not like this is his first international embarrassment. I'm sure it won't be the last, either.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Links a go go!

I know I'm a little behind with some of these, but I still wanted to comment on them.

Whoopi, are your dreads too tight, or are you just a complete moron? Why in the world would anyone listen to you? How are you even considered employable? Even for The View, which is a show for mouth-breathers by mouth-breathers, you're an idiot. I'm amazed that you're not relegated to cleaning car windshields at a stop light somewhere. You already have the sense of style for it.

Hey Messiah: People actually expect you to make decisions now. That means doing something beyond voting "present." You might want to start by talking to your field generals once in awhile. Don't get me wrong, I know when you get an opportunity to combine your (supposed)love of sports and a chance to further line your pockets you've gotta go for it, but come on now. Just because some people show they actually don't care about the military doesn't mean nobody does.

Speaking of the Olympics trip, I'm really glad for Michelle's continuous accounts of how difficult her life is. You take a trip, turn it into a huge production, and it's all paid for with other people's, your life does suck. But thank you for your tireless efforts for kids. Between your efforts and Whoopi's contributions, I'm sure the days will be brighter for our children.

Enjoy this entry from the "No S*^#, Sherlock!" Files.

At the time of this writing, there's a picture of Michael Moore on the Drudge Report. He's actually gotten fatter. I mean, he's officially past, "Holy s*^#!" I won't link to that because I can't really suggest anyone look at the guy. But if you have a strong stomach and you're the type that enjoys the view when you come upon a car wreck, then go have at it.

Speaking of obesity, no wonder kids are fat. Also, since you statists are doing such a good job of bring up kids and everything, here's a suggestion: why don't you just mind your own damn business?

And that's not all I got, but those are the highlights (lowlights?). God help us all.

Current Events and Hank Williams, Jr.

Sometimes, when I'm especially ticked over the state of the country (and the world in general), I get to the point where I have to play a few select Hank Jr. songs. And let me tell you, it's Bocephus day at work today. In case you've never realized it, the man should be considered the poet laureate of conservatism. Here are some suggested offerings based on the situation you may be facing:

When you're tired of liberals sticking their nose in your business and tell you they know what's best for you: The Coalition to Ban Coalitions
"This is a coalition to ban coalitions/I ain't a politician but I've got views/Some folks want to ban cars/some want to get rid of Fender guitars/Why don't you do your thing and we do our thing too/Now they want to take my cigarettes and all my good whiskey/And these damn coalitions they're after you and me"

When you're tired of the rich, uptight, snobby, elitist, coastal snobs looking down on you: The American Way
"If you don't like my Nudie boots I'm sorry about that/Don't make fun of my hat too/Or you might get knocked flat/And you'll learn some more, If you ever pass down our way/About the folks without the dollars, And without white collars/Hell, they are the American way!"

When you realize that sometimes words aren't enough to solve your problems: I'd Love to Knock the Hell Out of You:
"Oh I'd love to knock the hell out of you/And if you keep messin around I'm going to/So if you're looking for trouble/Tell you what you do/Come over and get the shit knocked out of you/Now I have always been a peaceful man/But I get hostile if you screw up my plans/ Do unto others as you like done to you/Believe me brother that is the golden rule"

And then of course there's A Country Boy Can Survive, but that's pretty much a song for all occassions.

One thing that's prompted the playlist is that I recently caught flack from a self-proclaimed conservative who writes for a local newspaper. Long story short, he gave great examples of why newspapers are a dying art and one of the Republican party's many problems: people who, if they do have principles, couldn't articulate them if their life depended on it. And one of the morals I've taken from this story is that conservatives need to figure out who's for us and who's against us. Once you figure that out, you better have the backs of the people that are on your side.

Which is why, to the following people, I say I'm One of You:

This lady was epic, and I'm with her.

California farmers, I'm on your side.

Andy Williams, you rock.

Navajoes, I'm with you!

Joe Wilson, I'm with you!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Back with a vengeance

My bad on neglecting the blog for so long. The last week or two have been crazy at work, and I feel like I haven't had a chance to catch up with blogging at home. So let's catch up. This is going to be long, but I'll try to make it worth it...

Of course you want to bailout newspapers. If I could use other people's money to support people who made propaganda for me and kissed my butt at every turn, I'd want to do it, too. Which reminds me, there was a solid two week period in high school where girls were always asking me to go to their basketball games, calling me, and baking me cookies and taking them to school to give to me. This brings to mind two questions: 1) What could I have gotten if I could have subsidized them with some other kid's lunch money? and 2) Why didn't I enjoy high school more?

Remember the good ol' days when Iraq was simply the wrong war, and we needed to pay more attention to Afghanistan? Apparently neither do liberals. I haven't quite been around for three decades, so my experience in American history is pretty limited, but here's what I've gathered so far about Democrats: 1) If a Democrat starts a war or "military operation," it was the right call, if a Republican does it, it's unnecessary at best. 2) They're not always against starting fights, but they're apparently against winning any of them.

Either the numbers are down because we're making that many of them citizens, or you know the economy's screwed when they quit coming. I could make a joke with either premise, I just don't know which one it is.

I'm starting to feel like the posters in the Post Office should start showing the person's position within ACORN, Congress, or the Obama Administration. Also, Reuters covered this story. You know how bad something has to be for Reuters to link anything to Bam? And then there's this. Surely this just a misunderstanding, I mean, it's not like there's a pattern of this sort of thing or anything. Cause if the first one's true, and the second one's true, then that means this could be true, and this just can't possibly be.

So, what you're saying is, Barry's mistaken? I just want to clarify that he's not a liar, he just doesn't know what the hell he's talking about? Is that about where we're at? (And now Google's reporting this stuff. Not a fun September for the ol' Bamster. No wonder he wants to bail out newspapers. Everyone else is slowly beginning to drop the piss bucket.)

I knew these guys were a pain in the butt, but this is getting ridiculous. My first response is to christen the Guano Loco online store with a shirt that says, "Keep the government out of our bung!" or "Our bodies, our bung, our business!". I think I'd be willing to make a concession to these guys: I'm willing to quit using toilet paper if they're willing to wash my butt for me. Seems like a fair trade. If that won't work, then I'll invite them to say hello to my little friend:

And that brings us to today. Muslim leaders have called over 50,000 observant Muslims to D.C. today for a day of Jummah (Friday congregational prayer). Their website declares "Our time has come!" And since government officials continually promote Islam while trying to sweep Christianity under the rug, and Barry continues to promote Islam (America's not a Christian nation, America's one of the world's biggest Muslim nations, etc, etc), it's easy to see how they get that idea. Personally, I'm all about freedom of religion, but after this happened in Texas and this more recently happened in Ohio, I'm not too keen on this idea. (Hat tip to Wallbuilders for getting the word out.)

Friday, September 11, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009

P.S. Your pants are on fire

Disclaimer: I'm not condoning Joe Wilson's fame making moment. I'm a believer in having decorum in such situations. I don't disagree with his assessment, it just wasn't the time or the place.

A better alternative would have been for Republicans to stand up silently and walk out. That would have been awesome. But alas.

I did not watch the speech last night. I have over 100 channels, at least 80 of which didn't feature the Obama Show (was this one a repeat?). I went for one of the other 80. I would've watched them auction Richard Simmons collectible plates on HSN before I watched that crap. But I digress.

Two observations after last night:
1. I'm continually amazed by the capacity for outrage and short memories everyone else seems to have. I have neither. I'm almost envious.

2. My favorite moment of the outburst were the expressions by Pelosi and ChiaBiden. Heck, with that much plastic, who knew Pelosi could show expressions? But the looks on their faces reminded me of a scene from Animal House.

"He can't say that about a president! Only we can say that about a president!"

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Stay in school, or, the ol' switcheroo

I wanted to weigh in on Obama's speech to school kids today. I'm not sure I'll break any new ground here, but I've been stewing on this since I first heard about it so here we go:

I was with a lot of people: this thing reeked of indoctrination. I'm sure that the initial draft of the speech differed incredibly from what they put out after the crap hit the fan. There's a big difference from writing essays on how to help Obama and assignments on reading his biography, and getting a 15 minute stay in school message.

Of course the left is in a tizzy over conservative reaction to this. They'd never think of having a problem with a president addressing students.

A Baldwin hit the nail on the head. The final product's good, it's the curriculum with it that still bothers me.

A friend---well, an acquaintance, really---linked to this on his Facebook. Of course, the premise of his linking to this was to say that the brouhaha over this whole thing was unmerited and was because of prejudice. Before I get to link, a couple of lessons: 1) If the problem is we're prejudiced, what about what libs did to Bush 41 when he addressed students? I mean, they're all harmony and rainbows and are never mean to anybody on any basis, so how do you explain that one? 2) You're right, my problem isn't with indoctrinating students, my problem is I'm judging Obama on completely surface levels. You figured it out, congratulations. But on to the link.

Now, before dissecting this any, a note about Piper: he's a theologian, and a lot of Southern Baptists love him. You would think, then, that he's a conservative. I have no idea what his political leanings are. I'll warn you that if you start diving into his sermons or works that your head will explode, but that's another story for another time. I'm linking to this because I feel he's broken down the message well, not because I agree with what he's said about the whole ordeal.

Let's ignore the blatant hypocrisy in Obama saying any of this and just get right down to it: this is very conservative in nature. He's basically told students to work hard and be responsible, and that their background isn't an excuse for causing trouble, and that it's okay to fail as long as you keep working. He just told kids that they're responsible for their work and to work hard! Your background doesn't determine your circumstances!

Hello, lefties, quit being pissed at us and start railing on this guy for promoting garbage you don't believe in!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Two Thoughts for the Day

1. Netanyahu's going to meet with Madonna. Either the Israeli PM has an adminstrative assistant who needs fired or they think someone named Madonna is the ambassador from Morocco.

Now that I think of it, what does one the layperson (and she puts the lay in layperson) wear to meet a head of state? I'm guessing her style could be referred to as skank swank.

2. Is anybody outside of the press surprised to see the crappy news coming out of Afghanistan? The guy in charge's military knowledge doesn't extend past what he used to see on The A-Team, and people expect him to be competent running a war? I wouldn't let Barry run bath water.

Catching up

Remember the good old days when news was slow over a weekend? If there was a major announcement to make it would come during the week so everyone would hear it. Now it seems like most of the news happens over the weekend so no one notices it. I think this is because Democrats are responsible for most of it right now, they know it sucks and nobody's going to like it, so they try to get it through unnoticed. I mostly blame Obama for this, because if I've learned anything the last nine years, it's that the President's responsible for everything we don't like. Also, Obama actually is the master of this maneuver.

So among the things we missed this weekend is word that this site may get shut down before long. I know they say he could utilize it "in an emergency," but let's face it, liberals don't really grasp concepts like "emergency," or "choice," or "necessary." For example, they're always yapping on about how they'll only get us into a war "if absolutely necessary." Yet when somebody flies a plane into a building they don't see the need to take the perpetrators out. I mean, they make take them out for dancing or dinner, but not with a .357 or anything like that. So basically, if Barry gets this power, and I'm sure he will, you can expect all your favorite web sites to go bye-bye. Because Barry doesn't like competition. It kinda makes you wonder what going to his basketball games was like, doesn't it?

One thing I was absolutely shocked to learn was that Ted Kennedy's funeral was Saturday. Seriously, would anybody have expected them to do it on a day when they knew nobody would be watching CNN? People only watch CNN during the know, the times when everybody else is working. So I missed it, which is probably a good thing because I need to watch my blood pressure. I heard they had a prayer, which seems ironic, but other than that I don't know much about what happened and I have questions. Did they use a hearse or the Budweiser clydesdales?

I have a dozen of them, but I'll stop there.

Then, finally, there's this. Just when you thought there was nothing in the paper worth reading.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Headline and the Guano Loco Theme Song

You'll remember during the Michael Jackson aftermath that I was really disgusted by a lot of the negative comments made about the deceased. Basically, I was always taught not to speak ill of the recently departed, and I lamented the fact that apparently next to no one else was raised with the same manners. So with that in mind, I'm trying really hard to watch what I say about Ted Kennedy. So I'll just acknowledged he's passed, and move on.

So with that done, let's move on and unveil the Guano Loco theme song. It was inspired by something that profoundly influenced my childhood:

We’ll fight for freedom wherever there’s trouble
Guano Loco is here!
Guano Loco, against liberal zeroes!
Guano Loco is here!
It’s Guano Loco against Libs and Commies
Fighting to save the day
We’ll never give up, we’re always there!
Making fun of Obama and Biden’s hair!
Guano Loco, against liberal zeroes
Guano Loco is here!
Guano Loco is the name of a sarcastic, informative Pro-American blog. Its purpose: to defend human freedom against liberals, a ruthless pack of lying hyenas determined to rule the world.
We’ll never give up, we’ll stay til the fight’s won
Guano Loco is here!
Guano Loco!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

This guy freaking rules

Rush Limbaugh ran this yesterday. I can't say enough about this guy. I wish I could talk to people and stand up like this. What I can't figure out is how he got home from his deployment. He surely can't fly; any plane would be weighed down by his huge balls.

That's right, I made that joke. He earned it.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Connect the dots

In case you missed it, Barry gave $2 million of our tax dollars to Brazil so they can drill for oil. We can't drill for our own, but I guess he figures it's cool for them to take care of themselves.

Guess who increased their investment with the Brazillian oil company that's benefitting from Barry's benevolence?

George Soros.

Good to know

What in the world? Yeah, so does shooting a deer!

See, this is why I hesitate at government funding for scientific research. Every once in awhile you get a study by some mongoloids who want to refute conventional wisdom.

"See Timmy, STD's aren't all bad!"

Can you imagine this subject being covered in one of those sex ed videos that were done in the 60s?


I've seen a lot of people---well, two---who support government healthcare who can't fathom how anyone can be opposed to this. One idiot even went so far as comparing it to the school lunch program---no one complains about it, he said---to support the idea. Might as well hit the ground running, he said, you have to walk before you crawl.

Yeah, I know.

So when people ask me, "Gee, Justin, how can you be opposed to this? Don't you know how important it is for everyone have healthcare?" I say nay. Here's one of a myriad of reasons why. There are three things to take from this.

1) If you think Social Security payments are lowering now, wait until all the money set aside for SS goes to Healthcare.
2) The government has a deal with the people. They're breaking it. Why will this be any different?
3) If the government can't run what they already have, why should we trust them with more?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

How have I never heard about this until now?

I haven't posted much this week because A) it's been busy at work, and 2) my internet has been down at home the last couple of evenings. I was just doing a little lite reading and came across this.

Seriously, how have I not heard about this before?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Excellence in Education

I just saw this story on Drudge, where it has a somewhat misleading headline. The Drudge headline says, "City bans BB guns, bats, clubs to increase school safety." In seeing that, I moved this place up to number 3 on my list of "Crapholes I Would Barely Want to Visit" list. Any town where a kid can't shoot a bb gun or play baseball isn't any place I'd even want to stop to take a leak in.

Let me just cut to the chase: I have a number of theories of why it seems like more kids are more screwed up now today than they ever have been in the past. And it seems that way because it's true. But my theories range from parental involvement (in one extreme or the other) to the fact that cartoons today suck. If kids today aren't shooting bb guns or playing baseball, then there's another problem.

As it turns out, the school in this little hamlet is simply banning bb guns, baseball bats, and things of the like being brought to school without "a legitimate purpose." Once I read that, I had another reaction entirely.

No $*^#, Sherlock! You think it might be a good idea to keep kids from bringing pellet guns and fireworks to school? Good God, I bet their next idea is that reading may be beneficial to students.

You don't have to be head oil drainer down at the Jiffy Lube to figure out that a school isn't the best place for a kid to take their pellet gun or Roman candle. Those types of things are after school entertainment. I can fault schools for a lot of things...and I mean a lot of things...a lo-hoh-hoh-hoh-hot of things, but this isn't one of them.

This is almost common sense.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Should've gotten Snoop's attorney

Guess there's no doubting this guy's street cred.

I would have loved to have heard statements from the defense in this case. I mean, when you're on trial for murder with that name, that's kind of like a punting from your own endzone, right?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Catching Up...

I took a few days off at the end of last week and went to rural America where I was without internet for four days. And I've got to be honest: I missed having internet access exactly once. It was really refreshing. I thought during that time I had heard John Hughes passed away, and I was saddened to have it confirmed once I did get back to computer land. Big Hollywood has some pretty good tributes here, here, and here. The Ben Stein interview is worth watching, too. RIP, Mr. Hughes.

By the way, I really miss John Candy.

In case you missed it, there's a new set of words omitted from college textbooks. It's almost comical how easy these people get their panties in a twist over nothing. Then again, when you're the type of person who sees a ballerina as a tough guy, it probably doesn't take much to upset you.

I just wanted to give kudos to this web site. From what I've read in the past few weeks, when something needs to be hit, he hits hard. He also has decency, which is hard to find in the blogosphere. And he's often pretty stinking funny. Be sure to check out the post "Video Project: Stand Together for Liberty" and the entry immediately below it for a couple of my recent favorites.

Finally, I've gotten some really nice comments over the past month or so, and I wanted to say thanks for the kindness. However, you all are going to have to quit with the accolades or you're going to get me on the gov't watch list.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


Clinton's trip to North Korea probably marks the first time he ever went to pick up a couple of girls and everyone was okay with it.

The community organizer is whining about people organizing against something they don't like? That's cute.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Rahmbo and other sissies

I'm going to take back one bad thing I've said about California just because of Darrell Issa. It's about time somebody's showing some testicular fortitude. I mean, I know Rahm's apparently pretty tough with a knife and everything, but I can't see a ballerina bringing a big intimidation factor.

Of course, since they undoubtedly monitor the webs, I should probably have someone taste my food for me for awhile after having said that. But seriously, I'm a little tired of the tough guy act coming from Twinkle-toes.

While we're on the subject of sissies, it's simultaneously hilarious and irritating to see people whining about this. You pansies are pretty hilarious when slinging crap about other people, but let a little of it come your way and you need a pacifier and a box of Kleenex.

Apparently it's not just the seniors who need to take the shopping cart down the Depends aisle.

Monday, August 3, 2009

A Real American Disappointment

GI Joe comes out this week, and I don't think there's going to be any way they'll get around ticking off GI Joe fans (of which I am one, having spent many an hour in my childhood playing with them and watching the cartoon). And admittedly, we're a harder fan base than normal to please because there are basically three or four types of Joe fan. You have the fans of the comics and fans of the cartoon show, which have some key differences. Both of us would fall into the category of fans of the toys, but there are also two toys: you have the Real American Hero line from the 80s, and the original Joe figure.

Focusing on the comics, cartoon, and Real American Heroes toys, here's what I want in a live action Joe movie: I want recognizable characters who are true to their origins. I want the organizations to remain true to their origins and purposes. I want to see some sweet-a vehicles, and I want crap to blow up. It really shouldn't be that difficult.

All the trailers look okay, and the action looks like it will be great, but here are my hang ups.

1) They botched the characters. According to things I've read, what they've done to the characters in this flick would be like making a live action Beavis and Butt-head movie about two borderline geniuses and their research at M.I.T. Or doing a Lincoln biopic that focuses on his career as a slave trader in the orient. You can't just completely change characters or their origins and think it'll be okay.

2) The characters are unrecognizable. Snake Eyes looks pretty sweet, and the Baronness looks great (and freaking hot). After that, I want to throw up in my mouth. And I've only seen the Joes thus far; I haven't seen any pics of Destro in the mask or Cobra Commander. (One caveat: her costume sucks, but Scarlett looks pretty good, too. Yowza.)

3) Hiring a pacifist to be the resident alpha-male of GI Joe is liking having Hugo Chavez dress as Uncle Sam.

4) GI Joe was America's daring, highly trained special missions force that's purpose was to defend human freedom against Cobra. They fought for freedom wherever there's trouble. So you can't change them into an international fighting unit just to make the Frenchies happy and expect me to like it. I don't. It sucks.

5) I'm going to be alone on this, and that's okay. And if I had more than five readers, I'd catch hell for it, but that's okay, too. I actually have no problem with Marlon Wayans, other than a lot of his movies are pretty gross. I'd even be okay with him in this flick if he was somebody else. I'd have been perplexed if he was, say, Stalker, but I could live with it. But he's Ripcord.'s the thing. You know how on SNL they have a white guy play Obama and people get pissed off about it? You know how people get pissed off any time a white guy plays a minority, or a minority character is changed into a white guy? Well, Ripcord's white and there's a black guy playing him. And ultimately, it's not that big of a deal, but like I said, I want to recognize characters. If you're used to seeing a white guy and he shows up and he's not white anymore, it's confusing.

Ultimately, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to go see this, knowing it's going to suck. I'm going to pay my $7 to knowingly be disappointed.

You know how everyone complains about Lucas and Spielberg destroying their childhood? Well, it looks like the 70s are destroyed and we're full speed ahead in pillaging the 80s.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Thoughts on the Beer Summit

1) If you're the cop, why would you go? Maybe his department made him? Maybe it's just me, but if someone treated me that horribly and drug me through the mud like that, I wouldn't want to sit down and chat with him. I don't care if it was brokered by the president---it's not like Bam helped anything either. Maybe he didn't want to take the criticism if he turned it down? I don't get it.

2) I didn't know what beer Obama would go for, but I knew it would be Lite.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Science lessons

Earlier this week, Nancy Pelosi told CNN that Socialized Health Care is a stimulus package. Then our pal, Joey Biden, claimed the first stimulus was misunderstood, saying, "the Act was intended to provide steady support for our economy over an extended period — not a jolt that would last only a few months." (How'd that work, Joey?)

Now, most people would look at these statements and question whether these loons know what a stimulus package is supposed to do. But I submit to you that it's possible these two actually paid attention in elementary science classes and recognize that there are such things as negative stimuli.

But back to reality: you just know with their connections and talent with making shady deals that these two can score some really good crack.

Gitmo's still open, too

Well, if this isn't the pot calling the kettle...

Crap, I guess I'm a bigot if I make that joke.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Developing theme

Would you like another post that elicits a "What the huh?" response, or would you like the background?

Okay, here's the lowdown: If you've never been to, it's totally worth checking out. Their running theme this week has been weird business combinations. Some of them don't faze me because I'm a hick; we do things like that. But the others blow my mind. So I forwarded some of the gems on to some coworkers, and one of them in turn alerted me to this video.

Toward the end of this video, you'll see the words chainsaws, canteloupes, and scooters together. That got my attention.

I don't know what else to say, except God bless America.

An anecdote

When I was younger I always wanted a club house. So you know what I ended up with? You know those old swing sets that people used to get for their kids with the plastic swings, back when kids were allowed to play and occassionally get scrapes and bruises? Well, we had one of those without the swings. My dad bought a tarp from Wal-Mart, threw it over the top, placed a couple of bricks to hold the ends down, and I had a tent.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to tell this story. But to make it applicable to anything, I'll confess that I didn't think a lot about growing back then. But now that I am grown up and I live in my own (well, technically I rent), real house, I'm starting to get the idea that Barry would like us to all go back to the tarp.

I didn't say it was going to be a good story.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Allow me to make the counter move

If a white guy produced crap like this about ANY minority, what do you think would happen to him?

Not only does Whitlock look for any excuse he can to charge people with racism, he also demonstrates he's sexist. Congratulations, jackass, you're a bigot on two fronts.

And to answer your question, the person who took the video and the people who put it on the internet are responsible, dumbass.

Why I didn't go to Harvard

I didn't watch the Obama Show last night because I assumed it was a re-run. Actually, it's just that I would rather pick corn out of puke and put it back in the can than watch or listen to little Barry.

So I heard Bam went off about race relations, but didn't know the context until today. And after reading all of it, I'm really ticked off and it doesn't even directly affect me.

If you're still in the dark, a Cambridge, MA police officer did his job this week and is a racist for it. Since the "victim" in the ordeal is one of Barry's buddies---and it's not like Barry ever pals around with anybody shady!---the prez felt the need to comment on it from the podium last night.

The morals of the story are: 1)Only look out for yourself. If you try to look out for a neighbor, it's going to cause problems. 2) If you're a police officer who actually does his job, you're a sucker and you're going to get nailed for it. 3) If something ever does happen to you, God forbid, don't expect help from the police. If they have any sense at all, they'll leave citizens hanging out to dry instead of risking a s*^# storm for doing the right thing.

Here's the officer's report via The Smoking Gun. This all sounds plausible, right? Now that you know what the jackass was arrested for, you'll agree with Barry that the police acted stupidly because America's chock full of bigots. But just to clarify, the cops are bigots, but they're not stupid. They just did something stupid.

It seems the officer in question is well respected and knows a thing or two about racial profiling and the dangers therein. But to help the situation, Barry suggests federal law enforcement should work with racist rube cops so they don't screw up.

(Yep. I just linked a whole paragraph. There's a lot there. And call me crazy, but I have trouble believing that any Ivy League professor or department head qualifies as "poor," but whatever.)

To his credit, Sgt. Crowley refuses to apologize. Here's hoping he doesn't cave.

All you need to know about Obamacare

You don't need a life saving surgery! Just rub some dirt on it, it'll be alright.

The irony of the tag "Obamacare" is that he doesn't.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Shout out to Japan

I thought this was really cool. If you're a militant atheist, put that in your pipe and smoke it!

I don't know much about Japan; I've never been there, and I haven't studied it much, but I would guess their schools are probably better than ours. If that's the case, then there's a lot to be said for this article.

On a sidenote, I also see Japan as an example of America's greatness. They've emulated a lot of America's better qualities, and that's part of the reason they're leaders in electronics and why they produce bright young people. Also, the left and other loons around the world like to criticize us for trying to exert control over other countries, but Japan's history really speaks to what America's really about. Who else would win a war and then go rebuild the opponent's country, teach them ways to be successful, and then watch them become a creative and economic powerhouse?

Suck that, lefties.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Stimulus figures

The government spent $2,531,600 on a 2 lb package of ham. They spent another $1.912,200 on a 2 lb package of frozen ham. Another $1.5 million and change was spent on cheese.

Those are going to be some pretty freakin' sweet sandwiches.

If anyone's interested, I have a 2 lb package of turkey in the 'fridge. I've made a couple of sandwiches so far, so I'm willing to let it go for a quarter million.

Catch me up

While I was away last week, I heard one of the Teleprompters bit the dust. Did anyone hear whether it got a state funeral?

Catching up

I was in Austin for a large part of last week, so I didn't post while I was gone. When I noticed that I was gone for the All Star Game, I was disappointed because it's been a few years since I've gotten to watch it. Fortunately, I was able to hang out in my hotel room during the game. And...I slept through most of it.

Actually, I woke up during Bam's interview and thought I was having a nightmare. But I barely saw any of the game. I did, however, hear the butt kissing over the first pitch, but I didn't actually see it until later. Eventually I did see it.

Barry throws like a girl.

I'm not just saying that because he sucks. It's true, he throws like a girl. Furthermore, I'm skeptical that he's such a big White Sox fan. I think a real Sox fan would know the name of the stadium. Barry, however, refers to it as "Cominsky Field" or something like that. Ask Jeff Gordon what happens when you butcher a stadium's name.

As I've thought about it, my theory is that's fundamentally impossible for Bam to actually like baseball. He hates America. Baseball is America's pasttime. The two are not compatible. Granted, I could see how hanging out with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver could sour you on the sport.

What we should take from this is that Barry has contempt for American traditions, but he's willing to play along. I can hardly wait for Christmas.

Monday, July 13, 2009


I get the idea that when he talks about smoking dope he's speaking from experience.

The part I'm trying to figure out is, "If you buy the album I won't see enough money from it, so go steal it."

He ought to have his butt kicked for the steal gas crap, too.

Is America a Christian nation?

More great work from WallBuilders.

A gap in logic

We continually tax cigarettes. We're going to tax soda. We're going to tax fast food. We'll probably tax junk food. Why? Because making sure you're healthy is important to the good of society, whether you want to live a certain lifestyle or not.

You'll soon have mandatory healthcare coverage through the government. For those of you in South Chicago, mandatory means whether you want it or not.

Ask any liberal and they'll tell you how important it is to implement these policies.

What we cannot do, however, is restrict abortion. Because the government has no right to make decisions regarding womens' bodies.

Maybe some books should be burned

Well, this is cute.

I'm still not to the point of asking, "What did we do?" in having elected this guy. Mainly because I had nothing to do with it.

Friday, July 10, 2009

My plan for C-SPAN, or, That's Our Joey!

Sooner or later, every television network sells out.

The big three networks have sold out to the government. MTV used to show music, and now they show crap with music in the background. CMT used to show music, and now they rerun Nanny 911 and Urban Cowboy. Cartoon Network is selling out by phasing out cartoons and going with live action programming. Normally I hate this, but in C-SPAN's case I'll make an exception. I hope they get on board.

I'm not suggesting they abandon politics completely, I just want them to be more entertaining. And I think I've come up with an idea for a show that could be the biggest show in reality TV history and start their relaunch.

I want cameras to follow Joe Biden around so we can see Joe Unscripted. For example, what would Biden say about Obama's wandering eye? I don't know, but I bet it'd be hilarious. I want C-SPAN to tell us.

What about when Joey takes the train home? Does he talk to strangers? Are there passengers who don't recognize him and are afraid of the big, scary, old guy who mutters crazy things to himself?

He obviously has problems controlling his mouth. Does he have problems controlling other things? What's Biden road rage like? Can he control his bladder? If he can't, why can't we go along when he heads to the store for a pack of Depends? Maybe he gets mad and berates stockers because he can't find adult diapers in the men's clothing section. I wouldn't put anything past him.

We know that people are going to be offended when Joe goes to a convenience store. But does Joe get a jonesing for Chinese food? What happens then? Does he wonder why all the wait staff is short? Does he put chopsticks between his lip and gums and imitate a walrus?

Come on, C-SPAN, get with the 21st Century. You're missing out on a goldmine.

Oh no he dih-unt!

We've all heard about how our eyes can play tricks on us, appearances can be deceiving, and on and on. It wasn't so long ago that traveling shows made big money on making people think they saw things they didn't actually see. So suffice to say, we're easily fooled, especially when we're shown only one thing.

Which is how ABC's trying to play off the picture of Obama checking out high school girls.

They create a plausible explanation, except when I watch the video, it looks like Barry's head's about to fall off. But I'm glad ABC's there to clear these things up.

If it weren't for them, I'd get the impression that Obama likes to bow to foreign kings and scope out young booty.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

This won't end well

Remember this picture?

This is only one example, but let's just say she can look a little cranky, right?

I can only imagine what'll happen when she sees this.

My advice to the President: Run.

Run fast.

Run hard.

Run now.


Each time someone new comments on the blog (and thank you for those comments and for reading!), I go to their page and am reminded that I'm a rank amateur when it comes to designing a blog.

I mean, compared to everyone else I seem to run into, I have no idea what I'm doing.

So what do you do when you're in over your head? You become leader of the free world, that's what.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Fitting the template

You may remember a few years ago when lacrosse players from Duke were tried, convicted, and executed in the court of public opinion after a stripper charged them with rape.

The lacrosse players were young, white males from affluent families. The stripper was poor and black.

The lacrosse players had their reputations ruined because somebody saw a way to get money out of them and the media came to her "defense" by saddling up on their moral high horses. And they certainly got even.

With a group of guys who didn't do anything.

Now here's another rape story out of Duke that you haven't heard anything about.

The differences here are that the accused is gay and an adoptive father, so you can't run with anything that may hinder gay rights. Also, he kinda propositioned cops, so that goes a little beyond making accusations.

And this is so messed up, sick, and irritating that I don't even have any jokes for it.

The turnip truck must be missing a passenger

Last week I saw Colin Powell speak at a conference. You would think that when a former four star general and Secretary of State speaks, they would have something insightful or memorable to say. The only thing I'll remember from his speech is a lame joke with a punchline that required Powell to grab his crotch in front of 18,000 people.

Apparently, a few days later when asked about Obama's work thus far as president, Powell said, "I never would have believed that we would have budgets that are running into the, you know, multi-trillions of dollars-and we are amassing a huge, huge national debt that if we don't pay for it in our lifetime, our kids and grandkids and great-grandchildren will have to pay for it."

Dude, you not only voted for it, you endorsed it. You got what you wanted.

Maybe I should have expected crotch grabbing before insight from this guy.

If Reality TV were real...

...Shows like "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" would feature real celebrities.

...The Biggest Loser would be the name of C-SPAN's White House coverage.

Independence Day

I was gone from Thursday until yesterday. I barely heard any news on the radio or tv. I was away from internet access until 8 p.m. Sunday.

It was kind of nice.

So I didn't hear how the president spent his 4th of July, but I would have to guess that July 4th for Barack Obama is like Christmas for a militant atheist.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson

Here's an article that sums up my feelings on Michael Jackson pretty well. Beyond that, I think it's really sad that he'll likely be remembered as much for the last 15 years as much as his talent.

I'm not going to rehash anything that happened or might have happened in his later years. He's gone. There used to be a time when it was considered wrong to speak ill of the recently deceased. If you want to see how horrible some people are or how mean people can be, just look at some of the reactions to Michael's death.

People really suck sometimes.

In addition to those who are still taking shots at him for whatever reasons, you also have the people are making judgments on Michael's place in eternity.

I've always understood that not judging others was mostly about not judging the state of their hearts or whether they had a relationship with God. Apparently the majority of other Christians interprete it as, "It's not for us to say what's right or wrong, but it's easy to tell where someone will spend eternity."

Do you know why there are so many people in this country who strongly oppose Christianity? The number one reason, which never dawns on most Christians, is that God said it would be this way. I don't know why we're ever surprised when people don't like us. The second reason is because people have observed Christians. And for those people, I completely get it.

My hope is that Michael Jackson is at peace now and has the type of love he never received on this planet. I hope someday the legacy of his talent wins out. And while Billie Jean or Bad will still be played years from now, I hope people also understand that he had something to say.

"There are people dying, if you care enough for the living..." "If you're thinking of being my brother it don't matter if you're black or white." I hope lyrics like that and songs like Will You Be There, and Man in the Mirror, will be as much his legacy as anything else.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

An Essay on Racist Jokes

There are eight billion ways to begin this post and even more examples I could cite on what I'm talking about, but people (read: liberals) will play the racist card at the drop of a hat. One thing that really throws them over the edge is anytime you mention a black person (or apparently anything even remotely connected with them) and a monkey, gorilla, or related primate.

Anybody with a functioning brain can see the potential danger in associating these things, but sometimes, they're just associations without any deeper meaning. Let's look at this example from a few months ago.

The cartoon is a combination of this story and the out of control stimulus spending. Not hard to figure out. Unless you're Al Sharpton.

So the other day, Drudge ran a story with a picture of Obama, and his pose in the picture brought to mind another famous picture. Enough that I Googled for said famous picture so I could do a blog post about it. I didn't run with it. Apparently great minds think alike because Monty saw the same thing, had the same thought, and did a post on it. If a more well-known person ran with it, I can't imagine the flack they'd get.

And the joke is all about the pose. That's it. But it's so uncanny that it makes the whole thing hilarious.

There are a lot of jokes that can be made about Obama, and most of them are going to be called racist. Few, if any, will really deserve it. But it's all made me think of one thing:

Obama's background is ethnically diverse. His mother is white. So any time you libs see an Obama joke or cartoon you don't like and think they're talking about blacks it's because you're racist. Maybe you ought to look at yourself before you cast stones.

Uh Oh

Ahmina...Ahminn...that Iranian guy called out Fearless Leader. Looks like it's time for Barry to man up.

This won't end well.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Quick Hits

I go one day without posting, and then there are 80 billion stories that need my attention. Here we go:

They say these teachers are doing nothing, but that doesn't give you enough information. Many teachers sit in front of the class doing nothing. These people are on paid vacations.

If someone threatens to wipe you off the map, you'd talk about it, right? Well, either you'd be wrong, or I'm not listening to the right people.

Obama finally condemned Iran this weekend for slaughtering protesters (be sure to read the info before the video). It took a few more days for him to decide to disinvite them from the 4th of July barbecue at the White House. Neither of these actions should be construed as evidence he's finally grown a spine.

Transformers 2 premiered last night to the chagrin of liberals. It may take a swipe at Obama. And it's supposedly racist. Look, anybody who's observed 14-25 year old white males in the last few years can tell you that seeing guys speak in ebonics and having gold teeth can mean you're in the 'hood, or it can mean you're at an all-white high school.

Obama's Health Care informercial airs tonight. The timing's good, because improved healthcare will come in handy when North Korea nukes us. And Iran's clearly not worth our attention. But I've enjoyed this quote from the Bamster regarding healthcare:

"If private insurers say that the marketplace provides the best quality health care; if they tell us that they're offering a good deal, then why is it that the government, which they say can't run anything, suddenly is going to drive them out of business? That's not logical.” (story here)

Like logic's really your strong point. But you're right, I can't possibly imagine how government will run private insurers out of business.

Wednesday's big news is that they found out where Mark Sanford's been: Argentina. Apparently, he has a little filly down there. There's nothing like a Republican pulling a John Edwards (or Bill Clinton or ...) to shift the focus away from Obama, who's really been wilting under the spotlight. The liberals would be thanking God if they went for that sort of thing. Thanks, Mark.

Of course, one benefit of the Sanford saga was that I got a chuckle out of this.

And finally, I'm afraid that all the other big news of the past two days are taking too much attention away from this. I'm not sure what's been going on in my home state lately, but I blame the heat. And Brad Henry.

I think my biggest problem with this story is that they say she was flashing her headlights, and they caught her in a car with her blouse open. Which set of headlights are we talking about here? Another funny thing that resulted from this story is that when I posted it on Twitter, a friend remarked that they got really scared when they saw her picture. Like a chick putting out for potato chips is going to be hot. I'm sure that was edited out of Pretty Woman.

Lays should use that in a marketing campaign. "So good you'll whore yourself out for them!"

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Great Appeaser

I was gone for the weekend and wasn't anywhere near a computer while gone. Apparently, I missed quite a bit of $#*%.

It's almost not worth playing the,"If Bush had done that," game with the left because that's who they are and that's what they do: they can't exist without double standards. But if Bush had taken a presidential motorcade to get ice cream with his girls while Iran was erupting and young girls were being shot in the streets, lefties would have raised unholy hell.

But remember, kids, we don't want to impose our ideals on any country. Especially not when a country has so many of its citizens crying out for freedom and democracy. Not when that country poses a grave threat to the security of its neighbors and the security of our own country, and seeing a change in regimes could only be beneficial to the ideas of security and peace. No, no, no, you can't impose your ideals on them, especially not when the matter at hand is whether to get sprinkles or hot fudge on your dessert.

If I ever have to listen to someone spout off about W. and "The Pet Goat" after this, they're going to be eating their soup through a straw.

Also, our wise, benevolent Supreme Leader apparently also addressed fathers this weekend on the kinds of fathers they should be. Pretty smug advice coming from someone who views children as choices or "mistakes". I thought this was a good response to Barry's heartfelt admonishment.

So in our honor of our all-knowing, all-feeling Ruler, I came up with this little ditty. All due apologies to the Platters and the real version of this tune, which is one of the all-time greats.

Oh yes, I’m the great appeaser
Making sure I say the right things
Carefully chosen words
Apologies will be heard
Til my praises are all that they sing

Oh yes, I’m the great appeaser
Making sure not to upset the cart
Won’t take a stand against Iran
I’ve made waffling into an art

Too real are my delusions of self grandeur
Too real that I want to be crowned king of the world

Oh yes, I’m the great appeaser
Looking at others with my nose in the air
I’ll do what I can to offend allies
And with enemies I’ll kiss their derriere
Making sure America’s fair

Too real are my delusions of self grandeur
Too real that I want to be crowned king of the world

Oh yes, I’m the great appeaser
Looking at others with my nose in the air
I’ll do what I can to offend allies
And with enemies I’ll kiss their derriere
Making sure America’s fair

Friday, June 19, 2009

It just hit me a few minutes ago that having a blog with this name without somehow "honoring" this guy was just an egregious oversight on my part.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Speaking Truth to Power

Gerald Walpin might want somebody to start his car for him for awhile.

This Week in Liberalism

Bill Maher said Obama needs to be more like Bush. He may have been high when he said it, but he said it.

Obama's defended the Defense of Marriage act (that was almost as fun to type as it is to read), and the gays are getting pissy.

All this coming on the heels of Roseanne trashing Obama a couple of weeks ago, and NOW reprimanding Letterman last week.

It's kind of fun to sit back and watch them eat their own, isn't it?