Friday, July 31, 2009

Thoughts on the Beer Summit

1) If you're the cop, why would you go? Maybe his department made him? Maybe it's just me, but if someone treated me that horribly and drug me through the mud like that, I wouldn't want to sit down and chat with him. I don't care if it was brokered by the president---it's not like Bam helped anything either. Maybe he didn't want to take the criticism if he turned it down? I don't get it.

2) I didn't know what beer Obama would go for, but I knew it would be Lite.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Science lessons

Earlier this week, Nancy Pelosi told CNN that Socialized Health Care is a stimulus package. Then our pal, Joey Biden, claimed the first stimulus was misunderstood, saying, "the Act was intended to provide steady support for our economy over an extended period — not a jolt that would last only a few months." (How'd that work, Joey?)

Now, most people would look at these statements and question whether these loons know what a stimulus package is supposed to do. But I submit to you that it's possible these two actually paid attention in elementary science classes and recognize that there are such things as negative stimuli.

But back to reality: you just know with their connections and talent with making shady deals that these two can score some really good crack.

Gitmo's still open, too

Well, if this isn't the pot calling the kettle...

Crap, I guess I'm a bigot if I make that joke.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Developing theme

Would you like another post that elicits a "What the huh?" response, or would you like the background?

Okay, here's the lowdown: If you've never been to, it's totally worth checking out. Their running theme this week has been weird business combinations. Some of them don't faze me because I'm a hick; we do things like that. But the others blow my mind. So I forwarded some of the gems on to some coworkers, and one of them in turn alerted me to this video.

Toward the end of this video, you'll see the words chainsaws, canteloupes, and scooters together. That got my attention.

I don't know what else to say, except God bless America.

An anecdote

When I was younger I always wanted a club house. So you know what I ended up with? You know those old swing sets that people used to get for their kids with the plastic swings, back when kids were allowed to play and occassionally get scrapes and bruises? Well, we had one of those without the swings. My dad bought a tarp from Wal-Mart, threw it over the top, placed a couple of bricks to hold the ends down, and I had a tent.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to tell this story. But to make it applicable to anything, I'll confess that I didn't think a lot about growing back then. But now that I am grown up and I live in my own (well, technically I rent), real house, I'm starting to get the idea that Barry would like us to all go back to the tarp.

I didn't say it was going to be a good story.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Allow me to make the counter move

If a white guy produced crap like this about ANY minority, what do you think would happen to him?

Not only does Whitlock look for any excuse he can to charge people with racism, he also demonstrates he's sexist. Congratulations, jackass, you're a bigot on two fronts.

And to answer your question, the person who took the video and the people who put it on the internet are responsible, dumbass.

Why I didn't go to Harvard

I didn't watch the Obama Show last night because I assumed it was a re-run. Actually, it's just that I would rather pick corn out of puke and put it back in the can than watch or listen to little Barry.

So I heard Bam went off about race relations, but didn't know the context until today. And after reading all of it, I'm really ticked off and it doesn't even directly affect me.

If you're still in the dark, a Cambridge, MA police officer did his job this week and is a racist for it. Since the "victim" in the ordeal is one of Barry's buddies---and it's not like Barry ever pals around with anybody shady!---the prez felt the need to comment on it from the podium last night.

The morals of the story are: 1)Only look out for yourself. If you try to look out for a neighbor, it's going to cause problems. 2) If you're a police officer who actually does his job, you're a sucker and you're going to get nailed for it. 3) If something ever does happen to you, God forbid, don't expect help from the police. If they have any sense at all, they'll leave citizens hanging out to dry instead of risking a s*^# storm for doing the right thing.

Here's the officer's report via The Smoking Gun. This all sounds plausible, right? Now that you know what the jackass was arrested for, you'll agree with Barry that the police acted stupidly because America's chock full of bigots. But just to clarify, the cops are bigots, but they're not stupid. They just did something stupid.

It seems the officer in question is well respected and knows a thing or two about racial profiling and the dangers therein. But to help the situation, Barry suggests federal law enforcement should work with racist rube cops so they don't screw up.

(Yep. I just linked a whole paragraph. There's a lot there. And call me crazy, but I have trouble believing that any Ivy League professor or department head qualifies as "poor," but whatever.)

To his credit, Sgt. Crowley refuses to apologize. Here's hoping he doesn't cave.

All you need to know about Obamacare

You don't need a life saving surgery! Just rub some dirt on it, it'll be alright.

The irony of the tag "Obamacare" is that he doesn't.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Shout out to Japan

I thought this was really cool. If you're a militant atheist, put that in your pipe and smoke it!

I don't know much about Japan; I've never been there, and I haven't studied it much, but I would guess their schools are probably better than ours. If that's the case, then there's a lot to be said for this article.

On a sidenote, I also see Japan as an example of America's greatness. They've emulated a lot of America's better qualities, and that's part of the reason they're leaders in electronics and why they produce bright young people. Also, the left and other loons around the world like to criticize us for trying to exert control over other countries, but Japan's history really speaks to what America's really about. Who else would win a war and then go rebuild the opponent's country, teach them ways to be successful, and then watch them become a creative and economic powerhouse?

Suck that, lefties.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Stimulus figures

The government spent $2,531,600 on a 2 lb package of ham. They spent another $1.912,200 on a 2 lb package of frozen ham. Another $1.5 million and change was spent on cheese.

Those are going to be some pretty freakin' sweet sandwiches.

If anyone's interested, I have a 2 lb package of turkey in the 'fridge. I've made a couple of sandwiches so far, so I'm willing to let it go for a quarter million.

Catch me up

While I was away last week, I heard one of the Teleprompters bit the dust. Did anyone hear whether it got a state funeral?

Catching up

I was in Austin for a large part of last week, so I didn't post while I was gone. When I noticed that I was gone for the All Star Game, I was disappointed because it's been a few years since I've gotten to watch it. Fortunately, I was able to hang out in my hotel room during the game. And...I slept through most of it.

Actually, I woke up during Bam's interview and thought I was having a nightmare. But I barely saw any of the game. I did, however, hear the butt kissing over the first pitch, but I didn't actually see it until later. Eventually I did see it.

Barry throws like a girl.

I'm not just saying that because he sucks. It's true, he throws like a girl. Furthermore, I'm skeptical that he's such a big White Sox fan. I think a real Sox fan would know the name of the stadium. Barry, however, refers to it as "Cominsky Field" or something like that. Ask Jeff Gordon what happens when you butcher a stadium's name.

As I've thought about it, my theory is that's fundamentally impossible for Bam to actually like baseball. He hates America. Baseball is America's pasttime. The two are not compatible. Granted, I could see how hanging out with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver could sour you on the sport.

What we should take from this is that Barry has contempt for American traditions, but he's willing to play along. I can hardly wait for Christmas.

Monday, July 13, 2009


I get the idea that when he talks about smoking dope he's speaking from experience.

The part I'm trying to figure out is, "If you buy the album I won't see enough money from it, so go steal it."

He ought to have his butt kicked for the steal gas crap, too.

Is America a Christian nation?

More great work from WallBuilders.

A gap in logic

We continually tax cigarettes. We're going to tax soda. We're going to tax fast food. We'll probably tax junk food. Why? Because making sure you're healthy is important to the good of society, whether you want to live a certain lifestyle or not.

You'll soon have mandatory healthcare coverage through the government. For those of you in South Chicago, mandatory means whether you want it or not.

Ask any liberal and they'll tell you how important it is to implement these policies.

What we cannot do, however, is restrict abortion. Because the government has no right to make decisions regarding womens' bodies.

Maybe some books should be burned

Well, this is cute.

I'm still not to the point of asking, "What did we do?" in having elected this guy. Mainly because I had nothing to do with it.

Friday, July 10, 2009

My plan for C-SPAN, or, That's Our Joey!

Sooner or later, every television network sells out.

The big three networks have sold out to the government. MTV used to show music, and now they show crap with music in the background. CMT used to show music, and now they rerun Nanny 911 and Urban Cowboy. Cartoon Network is selling out by phasing out cartoons and going with live action programming. Normally I hate this, but in C-SPAN's case I'll make an exception. I hope they get on board.

I'm not suggesting they abandon politics completely, I just want them to be more entertaining. And I think I've come up with an idea for a show that could be the biggest show in reality TV history and start their relaunch.

I want cameras to follow Joe Biden around so we can see Joe Unscripted. For example, what would Biden say about Obama's wandering eye? I don't know, but I bet it'd be hilarious. I want C-SPAN to tell us.

What about when Joey takes the train home? Does he talk to strangers? Are there passengers who don't recognize him and are afraid of the big, scary, old guy who mutters crazy things to himself?

He obviously has problems controlling his mouth. Does he have problems controlling other things? What's Biden road rage like? Can he control his bladder? If he can't, why can't we go along when he heads to the store for a pack of Depends? Maybe he gets mad and berates stockers because he can't find adult diapers in the men's clothing section. I wouldn't put anything past him.

We know that people are going to be offended when Joe goes to a convenience store. But does Joe get a jonesing for Chinese food? What happens then? Does he wonder why all the wait staff is short? Does he put chopsticks between his lip and gums and imitate a walrus?

Come on, C-SPAN, get with the 21st Century. You're missing out on a goldmine.

Oh no he dih-unt!

We've all heard about how our eyes can play tricks on us, appearances can be deceiving, and on and on. It wasn't so long ago that traveling shows made big money on making people think they saw things they didn't actually see. So suffice to say, we're easily fooled, especially when we're shown only one thing.

Which is how ABC's trying to play off the picture of Obama checking out high school girls.

They create a plausible explanation, except when I watch the video, it looks like Barry's head's about to fall off. But I'm glad ABC's there to clear these things up.

If it weren't for them, I'd get the impression that Obama likes to bow to foreign kings and scope out young booty.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

This won't end well

Remember this picture?

This is only one example, but let's just say she can look a little cranky, right?

I can only imagine what'll happen when she sees this.

My advice to the President: Run.

Run fast.

Run hard.

Run now.


Each time someone new comments on the blog (and thank you for those comments and for reading!), I go to their page and am reminded that I'm a rank amateur when it comes to designing a blog.

I mean, compared to everyone else I seem to run into, I have no idea what I'm doing.

So what do you do when you're in over your head? You become leader of the free world, that's what.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Fitting the template

You may remember a few years ago when lacrosse players from Duke were tried, convicted, and executed in the court of public opinion after a stripper charged them with rape.

The lacrosse players were young, white males from affluent families. The stripper was poor and black.

The lacrosse players had their reputations ruined because somebody saw a way to get money out of them and the media came to her "defense" by saddling up on their moral high horses. And they certainly got even.

With a group of guys who didn't do anything.

Now here's another rape story out of Duke that you haven't heard anything about.

The differences here are that the accused is gay and an adoptive father, so you can't run with anything that may hinder gay rights. Also, he kinda propositioned cops, so that goes a little beyond making accusations.

And this is so messed up, sick, and irritating that I don't even have any jokes for it.

The turnip truck must be missing a passenger

Last week I saw Colin Powell speak at a conference. You would think that when a former four star general and Secretary of State speaks, they would have something insightful or memorable to say. The only thing I'll remember from his speech is a lame joke with a punchline that required Powell to grab his crotch in front of 18,000 people.

Apparently, a few days later when asked about Obama's work thus far as president, Powell said, "I never would have believed that we would have budgets that are running into the, you know, multi-trillions of dollars-and we are amassing a huge, huge national debt that if we don't pay for it in our lifetime, our kids and grandkids and great-grandchildren will have to pay for it."

Dude, you not only voted for it, you endorsed it. You got what you wanted.

Maybe I should have expected crotch grabbing before insight from this guy.

If Reality TV were real...

...Shows like "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" would feature real celebrities.

...The Biggest Loser would be the name of C-SPAN's White House coverage.

Independence Day

I was gone from Thursday until yesterday. I barely heard any news on the radio or tv. I was away from internet access until 8 p.m. Sunday.

It was kind of nice.

So I didn't hear how the president spent his 4th of July, but I would have to guess that July 4th for Barack Obama is like Christmas for a militant atheist.