Friday, January 30, 2009

A Wild Hypothetical Question

It seems to me that liberals, more than conservatives, are the kind to believe in reincarnation. I don't have any basis for this idea other than anecdotal evidence gained from observing some liberal loons who talk about who they were in past lives. If this is true, then that means they also probably buy into the whole population bomb/overpopulation baloney that's been floating around for years. So here's the thing:

If you believe in reincarnation and overpopulation, isn't there a discrepancy in the math? Where do all the new people come from? Is the reincarnation cycle like a basketball game, and substitutions are made along the way; you sit out a lifecycle or two and then get to go back in? Or is it more like a dance where you can just elect to sit one out?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A Thought On Gay Marriage

Since one of the main arguments gay marriage supporters use is, "You can't choose who you love," shouldn't this steer you away from marriage?

We've all ready got a divorce rate over 50% in this country---gay marriage supporters like to bring this up when people talk about the "sanctity of marriage"---so why would you want to talk about people not being able to control themselves? If you can't control your feelings, you're not ready to be married.

What happens when you take wedding vows, and then someone else comes along that you can't help but fall in love with? What happens is, you have to make a choice. Either you A) honor your commitment or B) you further denigrate marriage.

I'll be the first to admit that we have a lot of problems with this institution. We're shooting ourselves in the foot by what we teach our young people about love and sex. We don't help ourselves by telling singles that there's something wrong with them if they're not married by certain ages. And we've definitely screwed up by being accepting marriage as an "As long as it works," scenario instead of reinforcing the idea that it's a lifelong commitment. We don't need to compound our problems by perpetuating the idea that people can't control themselves, and that it's okay that they can't.

Think it through

Congress can't handle making all television switch to digital, yet we want these people in charge of health care?

Monday, January 19, 2009

My Pledge

If you haven't heard, MySpace is asking people to join with a bunch of celebutards in making pledges about what they'll do during Obama's presidency to help him make the world a better place. You have pledges ranging from "I'll drink less bottled water," to "I'll quit giving people the middle finger." And I'm not even making jokes yet, those are actual pledges. I'd link to the stupid thing, but outside of my own ramblings I can't waste your time in good conscience. If you want to see it, you're on your own. Don't say I didn't warn you.

But in the spirit of bipartisanship and because the media and celebutards are telling us we all have to unite behind this president even though they'd all be threatening to move to Canada if an actual Republican would have won (you know, if the RNC had nominated a Republican), I'm doing my part and making my pledge.

  • I pledge to accept my position as a victim and blame all of my problems on somebody else.
  • I pledge to illustrate my self-righteousness by pointing out that anyone who disagrees with me is, in fact, an intolerant bigot.
  • I pledge to enjoy life more by working less, both in time and effort, because it’s not fair that some people have more money than me. The president will get even with them.
  • I pledge that I’ll be understanding and apologetic if someone shoots me or tries to blow me up, because maybe if we’re just nice to them and try to reason with them they’ll change.
  • I pledge to wear bright colors every day to reflect the fact that everything’s going to be sunshine and rainbows from now on.
  • I pledge to flush after every time I pee, because sometimes urine stinks and that’s just gross.
  • I pledge to be patriotic and love my country now that it's cool.
  • I pledge to be more generous by inviting loud-mouthed liberals to keep their change.
  • I pledge to get behind our new president, because if we can’t come together and unite behind him how he can never lead us?

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Have you ever noticed how Henry Waxman looks like something you'd see in The Weekly World News?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Plight of the Polar Bear

Let’s suspend reality for a minute and say that arctic ice really is disappearing, and polar bears really are drowning like a Kennedy date. Doesn’t this say a few things?

First, zoos need to work on their realism. Not only is it disorienting to see chimps behind glass like in an aquarium, which almost never happens in the wild---you may see a chimp in movies or Senate meetings, sure, but not in an aquarium---but it trips me out to see polar bears so misrepresented. Every time I go to the zoo they’re in the pool doing repeated laps or floating lazily all afternoon. I don’t know if zoos even have polar bear habitats that have any dry areas in them. So the idea that they can’t float or swim forever doesn’t jibe with me because apparently zoos are misleading.

Second, if the health and well-being and abundance of every animal species are so important, how come nobody gives a crap about the seal? If you’re a seal, you really have two main concerns in life: whales and polar bears. If one of those concerns is extinct, that’s good because one less thing, right? And while I’m a fan of most whale species, many hippies exist only to “protect” them. They might as well be giving their liberal middle finger to the seal while they’re “saving” the seal’s arch enemy.

Basically, I’m saying the following: 1) I know Noah Wylie’s having a tough time getting gigs, but the butt-knocker could do better than perpetuating lies on my tv every time I’m sitting down to dinner. B) Coca-Cola should be kicked in the nuts for making everyone think an apex predator is so cute and cuddly that we can use them in lies to further a liberal agenda (How do you kick a soft drink in the nuts? I’m not sure, but I’ll work on a hypothesis). 3. Liberals care. They care about polar bears. They care about whales. But they apparently don’t give a rat’s ass about seals, and this puzzles me.

Welcome to Guano Loco

Guano Loco is another one in an endless sea of blogs that chronicles current events---specifically in politics, but occassionally veering into entertainment/pop culture and sports as well.

Why call my blog "Guano Loco"? Well, (very) loosely translated, Guano Loco is Spanish for bat-sh** crazy. And since our news is dominated by people who are, at best, bat-sh** crazy, it just fits.

That, and if I'm expected to accommodate every immigrant who won't learn English, why not butcher their language while I'm at it?