Friday, October 30, 2009

Obama's Halloween

I think Crowder's just come up with the scariest characters since Quiznos'...whatever the heck those things were.

"You seem honest, so how about bite me!"

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Won't anyone step forth and uphold the right?!

Ever since (and even before) Republicans got their butts handed to them last October, conservatives were clamoring for leadership. It was frustrating to have a huge group of people who share most of the same ideals, but no national leadership for us. We had Palin, but it's hard to get excited by a VP nominee when their running mate is on a separate page ideologically. And now that Obama, Pelosi, Reid, et al are bringing this country down like the Titanic, people are still hungry for conservative leadership. A main reason's because the majority of Republican leadership couldn't find their ass with both hands and a flashlight---which is how you have fiascos like the NY-23 race---and part of the reason's because little of the media reports on things conservatives are actually doing.

Little by little, slowly but surely, we're starting to see some conservative Republicans step up. I think it's important to point out a few examples. An obvious one is Joe Wilson, if for no other reason than conservatives want someone who's unafraid to call a spade a spade, and Wilson did it. A lesson to other Republicans: if you'll speak up, you'll find you'll have a lot of people behind you. If you don't believe me, look at the donations this guy's receiving.

One from my state is Senator Jim Inhofe, who's leading the fight against the Crap and Tax bill. You also have Mike Rogers who has done a good job in speaking out against health care legislation:

Finally, a tip of the hat to Congressman Steve King for laying into NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for being a spineless wimp and giving into the PC crowd.

Good job, fellas.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tips for Halloween

I hope everyone has a happy Halloween this weekend. I've spent the last couple of days thinking back to my childhood and how fun it always was (and conversely, how much it sucks now because A. No candy when you're near 30 and don't have kids and 2. When did this turn into a "Who's the Biggest Slut" contest?) and I have distinct memories of things I enjoyed and things I didn't. So here are a list of ideas to make Halloween fun for the kids and yourselves. Feel free to add you own. I may amend the list as more come to me.

Tip #1: Avoid giving change to trick or treaters. In the past, say pre-1970, getting a quarter, nickels and dimes, or even pennies was cool. But you have to factor in inflation. By the time I was on the scene in the 80s, this was a bit of a letdown because if you were lucky, you'd get enough change to afford a piece of gum. I can't even imagine what a bummer pennies would be now. Which reminds me, at the rate we're printing money, we might as well start printing it on toilet paper because that's all it's going to be useful for.

Tip #2: Treat teenagers like children. One, free candy shouldn't stop at 6th grade. I'm a believer in free candy stops at the age you could be drafted. Two, most people wouldn't let their 6 year old girls dress like tramps. High school girls shouldn't be allowed to do it either. The modern female Halloween costume is at least 40% of the reason there are show like To Catch a Predator.

Tip #3: Don't give candy corn. Candy corn sucks.

Tip#4: If you want to scare the bejeezus out of small children, go as Nancy Pelosi. Consider it an update on classic witch's costume. If it helps, say you're going for irony: Halloween's for kids, and does anybody hate kids more than Nancy Pelosi? I think not.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Jumping off the Sports Guy's bandwagon

Until yesterday, I remained a fan of the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. If you're unfamiliar with him, he's a sports/pop culture writer for He has over 900,000 followers on Twitter, and I doubt that even comes close to indicating how big of a following he has.

I haven't enjoyed his work over the last couple of years nearly as much as I used to, but I still read practically everything he threw out there. I even followed him on Twitter, but yesterday he posted a couple of "tweets" that made me pull the plug. His first one linked to Limbaugh's Wall Street Journal article, but prefaced it by saying, "I hate Rush Limbaugh. Can't stand him. But his WSJ column was well done..."

Now, I can disagree with someone vehemently and remain a fan. That pretty much describes how I feel about Tom Hanks at this point, as a matter of fact. But the first "tweet" I noticed was the one that actually broke the camel's back:

"Why I hate Limbaugh: He's all about code words & subtle slants..."

Code words and subtle slants? I think that's a fancy way of saying, "I'm not intellectually honest enough to listen to him and look at the context of his comments in their entirety, I'd rather listen for subliminal messages that I want to be there." But he then "retweets" a message from another user that links to this article with the (in)approprate Rush quotes taken, of course, without context.

Simply stated, Bill Simmons should be near the back of the line in perpetuating garbage like this. First of all, ESPN lost all credibility on the Limbaugh/Rams story on day one with their "reporting." Second, if you want to play "quotes without context" you can easily paint Simmons as a racist. In fact, I was actually going to do a comparison by demonstrating how easily Simmons could be painted as a sexist, but I decided to go race to race because A) There's plenty of material for a direct comparison and 2) After spending about 10 minutes on the sexism idea, I think he may actually be sexist. At least he is by a liberal standards (oxymoron, I know). Take a look at these gems:

"Some (WNBA players) are uncomfortably tall and gawky, while others lack the requisite, um, softer qualities to captivate males between 18 and 35."

"If Sue was walking around at the ESPYs in a cocktail dress, I'm watching. If she's running a pick and roll with Lauren Jackson, I'm flicking channels."

"...every female in Vegas dresses like a hooker..."

"You want to ask, 'Wait, they stunk all season, how could that guy not have played more?' until you remember that his name makes him sound like a urologist and he looks like a cross between Fabio and one of those mutant women’s volleyball players in the Pac-10.”

Simmons also does a popular (and admittedly entertaining) mailbag column where he answers questions from readers. In one mailbag, a reader who had listened to a Simmons podcast where he talked about how college admissions requirements for females should be to simply send in a picture wrote in to tell about a class project where the student had to create his own university. The kid followed Simmons' advice and got a D and a lecture about sexism. Simmons' response? "...rarely if ever, has a reader e-mail made me this proud. The only way it would have been better is if you snapped at the teacher, 'Shouldn't we have gotten a double-D?'" In another mailbag, Simmons encouraged readers to attend a Chicago WNBA game and taunt the players with t-shirts that said things like, "Score three for feminism."

Now, if that's not enough to say that maybe Simmons shouldn't be criticizing people for not toeing the PC line---and that's a big part of the Limbaugh criticism---then here are some quotes from Simmons on race. These are all taken from a column he wrote about attending the NBA All Star Weekend in Las Vegas a few years ago. His column prompted a rebuttal from another ESPN columnist who alleged that all the criticisms of the event, including those made by Simmons, were on the basis of race. With that as a primer, here we go:

"After four nights of what will eventually be remembered as the Hip-Hop Woodstock..."

"So many gangbangers and troublemakers flooded the Strip..."

"So many wild stories floated around about shootings, robberies and everything else that we never knew what to believe..."

"I'm relieved that we finished the weekend without a single riot..."

"Again, this was a free-for-all: Walk around at your own risk."

"...since All-Star Weekend has previously proven itself as a destination spot for every gangbanger and troublemaker within a 750-mile radius..."

"Why would they want visitors saying stuff like 'I don't care how long this cab line is, there's no way I'm walking the Strip'..."

"Stern has become the most popular Jewish senior citizen on the planet."

"...rapper E-40 was shot to death on Friday night, leading to roughly 10,000 'Who the hell is E-40?' conversations between 99.9 percent of the white people in Las Vegas on Saturday night. Apparently E-40 is still alive and well. Huge relief. I don't know if we could have handled a loss like that during the Hip-Hop Woodstock."

"I just wish I had a witness who spoke English."

One of the reasons my admiration for the Sports Guy dwindled in the last couple of years is that he increasingly spent more time talking out of both sides of his mouth. For instance, he makes comments like the aforementioned examples about women, and then he'll continually write about how people are too uptight and don't have a sense of humor. Then he'll turn around and criticize someone else for making the same kind of comments. But if he hates Rush for making comments that he has to attach his own meaning to or that completely ignore the background in which the comments were made, then he must have a serious problem with self-loathing. Or at least he would, if liberals were bothered by hypocrisy.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Links: the NFL Sucks Edition

Before the links, one thing I want to point out from the Limbaugh/Rams episode. This tweet from CNN's Rick Sanchez, who passed along the "quotes" Limbaugh never said in his "work" on the story: "i've know rush. in person,i like him. his rhetoric,however is inexcusably divisive. he's right tho. we didn't confirm quote. our bad."

Yep, Sanchez is definitely a guy with the moral high ground. Did you know "Leave the Scene" Sanchez once mowed down a pedestrian while he was driving drunk? He left the scene, had more to drink, and then went back and talked to the cops.

For anybody who can run over a guy and leave him for dead and only worry about his reputation, "Our bad" is a hell of an apology. One of these days I'm going to start a series called, "When 'Douchebag' Isn't Enough," and I think I'll lead off with ol' Rick.

Moving along...We're going to give the Russians access to our nuclear weapons sites. Hey, Barry promised transparency, now we're getting it. Or the Russians are. But moral of the story, it's there. Of course, we won't get to take a peek at their sites, but no biggie. That's diplomacy, you have to trust that the other guy is good to his word. I mean, crap like this is unfounded.

Speaking of unfounded, I know people worry about a lack of options and restrictions in coverage in government healthcare, but that's just crazy. I mean, stuff like this is an exception, and not the rule, right?

Dude, when we have to look to people like Dianne Feinstein for common sense regarding the military, you know we're in deep $*^#. But when Democrats are stealing from troop funds to foot the bill for their own garbage, we're beyond deep $*^#.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Obama for Heisman!

Nissan has an official Heisman vote, and they're asking you to pick their candidate. Go now and vote Barack H. Obama, Pres., United States. Why settle for the Nobel Prize? Let the man win an award that means something.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday Observations/Happy Columbus Day

I hate when nature calls an hour or so before you have to get up in the morning. It's precisely what happened to me this morning. As I'm sitting there---and it hasn't dawned on me at this point that today's Columbus Day---I realize the stupidity of arguments the left puts out about different people. My thought pattern begins with Thomas Jefferson.

Jefferson was an undeniably great leader among the Founding Fathers, and was at least an above average president. Yet people seek to diminish his accomplishments by spouting off crap about Jefferson making it with some of his slaves. As I was pondering these things, I came to the following conclusions:

1) We know the left relies on revisionist history. Therefore, why do we take this as fact? Do we really have medical records---or any other kinds of records---that show Jefferson did this? We don't have a birth certificate for Obama, but we have paternity tests from the 1700's?

2) Columbus Day pisses me off. When I was in kindergarten and 1st and 2nd grade, I learned about the importance of his discovery---yes, other groups were here before he was, but no, they don't count because they didn't belong to a society that placed importance on discovery and recording said discoveries---and what it meant to the "world" and how it laid the foundations for everything that happened here. I didn't learn about the evil, genocodial, maniacal Columbus. This wasn't because they were protecting little kids from hard truth, it's because it was 1986 and we still had a few teachers around then who weren't completely out of their gourds. Moral of the story: I do not believe 90% of the garbage spoken as truth about Columbus, mainly because most of it's the former and little of it's the latter. So if I don't buy the premise about Columbus, why would I accept it on Jefferson?

3) If Jefferson did take part in such activities---and I'm not saying he didn't, I'm simply not taking it for granted that he did---why should that invalidate his other achievements? How does that work: Oh, guess what, the founders were actually flawed men, since they weren't perfect I guess that means they were failures, bet you feel stupid, huh? (If that sentence sucks to read, it's probably a good insight into how the mind of a liberal works). Since when did being imperfect mean that anything you ever accomplished was pointless? I mean, geez, it's the left: being a screw up in your personal life is a resume enhancer to them!

So as I'm seeing links on different sites today with titles like, "Columbus' Dark Side" emerging and some of the trends on Twitter (yes, I use it, let me know if you want to add me and we can swap handles), I'm wondering if it was a prophetic morning or just a coinkydink. But I found this article and it makes me feel that all of this has some greater point. And that scares me, because if all these thoughts are preparing me for something that's coming my way, I know whatever it is is going to suck.

Happy Columbus Day.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Nobel Prizes and other news

The Nobel Prize. While the proper reaction was, "Holy s*^#!" or "WTF?!", my actual response was laughter. I mean really, what can you do at this point? Here are my thoughts on the big prize:

1. It's too bad Copenhagen isn't in Norway.
2. They gave the prize to Al Gore for committing fraud. We shouldn't even be batting our eyes over this.
3. They gave one to Yassir Arafat. If they'll give a peace prize to the father of "modern" terrorism, they'll give it to anybody.
4. They gave one to Jimmy Carter, so there's already a precedent for awarding dumbassery.
5. People are complaining about the fact that they gave it to Bam without him accomplishing anything yet. The fact that he hasn't accomplished anything of merit in the first nine months means nothing. The final nominations were in February. He'd done even less in twelve days.

To summarize, the Nobel Prize is like the Grammys or Academy Awards: the legitimacy train left the depot a long time ago. If you want to talk about something that's a crock or a joke, it's Obama's, "I'm humbled, I don't deserve it" routine. That's the outrageous part.

In other news...

What? You mean the government take over didn't fix everything?! Get right the stink out! What's that you say? Unemployed people can't afford cars? Shazam!

Hey, you wanna know something else that's funny? You know those people who are really loyal to certain brands? In your case, those are largely the common, everday, working class people in "flyover country." You've completely alienated them because those people don't go for this kind of crap! Good luck on improving sales!

We're trying to get these people in here to hand them free benefits and healthcare, and you're trying to uphold laws?! Knock it off!

Hey, here's a shocker: ACORN was full of crap and embezzled more money than previously claimed. Speaking of embezzlement and fraud, it's gotten more expensive in the past year to cut enough carbon to stop global warming. I mean, if it was me, I'd check the temperature, recognize that IT'S NOT FREAKING RISING, and call the whole thing off, but that's me.

America's starting to remind me of the Griswold's house on Christmas Vacation. Everything was beautiful and well kept for the longest time, then the riff raff and a-holes move in and take over. Pretty soon, the joint's such a dump that folks can't wait to get out of there. And lemme tell you something, there are a few spots on the globe that are looking better all the time.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

An observation

Harry Reid lecturing on patriotism is like David Letterman lecturing on celibacy.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Why did I not know about this?!

I'm 29 years old, and I've only just now heard the story about Jimmy Carter being attacked by a swamp rabbit.

In a related story, I now have a laughter induced hernia.

Wait for it, wait for it...


What a complete and abject failure! This is awesome!

Aw, come on, don't hate me for laughing. Buck up there, kids, it's not like this is his first international embarrassment. I'm sure it won't be the last, either.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Links a go go!

I know I'm a little behind with some of these, but I still wanted to comment on them.

Whoopi, are your dreads too tight, or are you just a complete moron? Why in the world would anyone listen to you? How are you even considered employable? Even for The View, which is a show for mouth-breathers by mouth-breathers, you're an idiot. I'm amazed that you're not relegated to cleaning car windshields at a stop light somewhere. You already have the sense of style for it.

Hey Messiah: People actually expect you to make decisions now. That means doing something beyond voting "present." You might want to start by talking to your field generals once in awhile. Don't get me wrong, I know when you get an opportunity to combine your (supposed)love of sports and a chance to further line your pockets you've gotta go for it, but come on now. Just because some people show they actually don't care about the military doesn't mean nobody does.

Speaking of the Olympics trip, I'm really glad for Michelle's continuous accounts of how difficult her life is. You take a trip, turn it into a huge production, and it's all paid for with other people's, your life does suck. But thank you for your tireless efforts for kids. Between your efforts and Whoopi's contributions, I'm sure the days will be brighter for our children.

Enjoy this entry from the "No S*^#, Sherlock!" Files.

At the time of this writing, there's a picture of Michael Moore on the Drudge Report. He's actually gotten fatter. I mean, he's officially past, "Holy s*^#!" I won't link to that because I can't really suggest anyone look at the guy. But if you have a strong stomach and you're the type that enjoys the view when you come upon a car wreck, then go have at it.

Speaking of obesity, no wonder kids are fat. Also, since you statists are doing such a good job of bring up kids and everything, here's a suggestion: why don't you just mind your own damn business?

And that's not all I got, but those are the highlights (lowlights?). God help us all.

Current Events and Hank Williams, Jr.

Sometimes, when I'm especially ticked over the state of the country (and the world in general), I get to the point where I have to play a few select Hank Jr. songs. And let me tell you, it's Bocephus day at work today. In case you've never realized it, the man should be considered the poet laureate of conservatism. Here are some suggested offerings based on the situation you may be facing:

When you're tired of liberals sticking their nose in your business and tell you they know what's best for you: The Coalition to Ban Coalitions
"This is a coalition to ban coalitions/I ain't a politician but I've got views/Some folks want to ban cars/some want to get rid of Fender guitars/Why don't you do your thing and we do our thing too/Now they want to take my cigarettes and all my good whiskey/And these damn coalitions they're after you and me"

When you're tired of the rich, uptight, snobby, elitist, coastal snobs looking down on you: The American Way
"If you don't like my Nudie boots I'm sorry about that/Don't make fun of my hat too/Or you might get knocked flat/And you'll learn some more, If you ever pass down our way/About the folks without the dollars, And without white collars/Hell, they are the American way!"

When you realize that sometimes words aren't enough to solve your problems: I'd Love to Knock the Hell Out of You:
"Oh I'd love to knock the hell out of you/And if you keep messin around I'm going to/So if you're looking for trouble/Tell you what you do/Come over and get the shit knocked out of you/Now I have always been a peaceful man/But I get hostile if you screw up my plans/ Do unto others as you like done to you/Believe me brother that is the golden rule"

And then of course there's A Country Boy Can Survive, but that's pretty much a song for all occassions.

One thing that's prompted the playlist is that I recently caught flack from a self-proclaimed conservative who writes for a local newspaper. Long story short, he gave great examples of why newspapers are a dying art and one of the Republican party's many problems: people who, if they do have principles, couldn't articulate them if their life depended on it. And one of the morals I've taken from this story is that conservatives need to figure out who's for us and who's against us. Once you figure that out, you better have the backs of the people that are on your side.

Which is why, to the following people, I say I'm One of You:

This lady was epic, and I'm with her.

California farmers, I'm on your side.

Andy Williams, you rock.

Navajoes, I'm with you!

Joe Wilson, I'm with you!