The Plight of the Polar Bear

Let’s suspend reality for a minute and say that arctic ice really is disappearing, and polar bears really are drowning like a Kennedy date. Doesn’t this say a few things?

First, zoos need to work on their realism. Not only is it disorienting to see chimps behind glass like in an aquarium, which almost never happens in the wild---you may see a chimp in movies or Senate meetings, sure, but not in an aquarium---but it trips me out to see polar bears so misrepresented. Every time I go to the zoo they’re in the pool doing repeated laps or floating lazily all afternoon. I don’t know if zoos even have polar bear habitats that have any dry areas in them. So the idea that they can’t float or swim forever doesn’t jibe with me because apparently zoos are misleading.

Second, if the health and well-being and abundance of every animal species are so important, how come nobody gives a crap about the seal? If you’re a seal, you really have two main concerns in life: whales and polar bears. If one of those concerns is extinct, that’s good because one less thing, right? And while I’m a fan of most whale species, many hippies exist only to “protect” them. They might as well be giving their liberal middle finger to the seal while they’re “saving” the seal’s arch enemy.

Basically, I’m saying the following: 1) I know Noah Wylie’s having a tough time getting gigs, but the butt-knocker could do better than perpetuating lies on my tv every time I’m sitting down to dinner. B) Coca-Cola should be kicked in the nuts for making everyone think an apex predator is so cute and cuddly that we can use them in lies to further a liberal agenda (How do you kick a soft drink in the nuts? I’m not sure, but I’ll work on a hypothesis). 3. Liberals care. They care about polar bears. They care about whales. But they apparently don’t give a rat’s ass about seals, and this puzzles me.