Friday, July 10, 2009

My plan for C-SPAN, or, That's Our Joey!

Sooner or later, every television network sells out.

The big three networks have sold out to the government. MTV used to show music, and now they show crap with music in the background. CMT used to show music, and now they rerun Nanny 911 and Urban Cowboy. Cartoon Network is selling out by phasing out cartoons and going with live action programming. Normally I hate this, but in C-SPAN's case I'll make an exception. I hope they get on board.

I'm not suggesting they abandon politics completely, I just want them to be more entertaining. And I think I've come up with an idea for a show that could be the biggest show in reality TV history and start their relaunch.

I want cameras to follow Joe Biden around so we can see Joe Unscripted. For example, what would Biden say about Obama's wandering eye? I don't know, but I bet it'd be hilarious. I want C-SPAN to tell us.

What about when Joey takes the train home? Does he talk to strangers? Are there passengers who don't recognize him and are afraid of the big, scary, old guy who mutters crazy things to himself?

He obviously has problems controlling his mouth. Does he have problems controlling other things? What's Biden road rage like? Can he control his bladder? If he can't, why can't we go along when he heads to the store for a pack of Depends? Maybe he gets mad and berates stockers because he can't find adult diapers in the men's clothing section. I wouldn't put anything past him.

We know that people are going to be offended when Joe goes to a convenience store. But does Joe get a jonesing for Chinese food? What happens then? Does he wonder why all the wait staff is short? Does he put chopsticks between his lip and gums and imitate a walrus?

Come on, C-SPAN, get with the 21st Century. You're missing out on a goldmine.

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